Today I am getting to do what I was born to do! I am taking a quick break from baking loaves and loaves of bread in order to write what I feel is a more uplifting post. Yesterday was a rough day for me. Those in my inner circle were beautiful expressions of love as I cried my way through an emotionally draining day. I think it was the day I realized that I can’t change anything I wasn’t meant to change. The point of my huge let down was a lesson in obedience and in faith and hopefully Christ is pleased. And I noticed this morning that my saddest day happened to come right before one of the best days… isn’t that how the enemy always does it?
I was supposed to get up super early and go meet a former prostitute that now serves the outcasts of society in various ways. I slept in (mainly because of all the anxiety medication I took yesterday) and felt bummed, but got to meet her online this afternoon and that’s a good start! Tonight my husband and son and me are going to spend time with some homeless folks… if we can find any… and give them food, wash their hands, and leave them with some basic toiletries. Like I wrote in the beginning, this is what I was born to do. This is what life’s about and when I feel most alive! This is a new beginning and I won’t stop again until I’m dead.
Chris and I have some heavy consulting with the Lord to do about our future. We are being given an opportunity that we may not be able to pass up, but it’s not a sure thing yet. As soon as it is, I promise to write about it as well as tell everyone I know and love. I think the Lord is preparing our hearts to do what He is calling us to do. We’ve gotten very comfortable in this life, but we are living a temporary life. We don’t get to eat dinners together or get much family time together. My kids miss their Daddy. Not to mention my son has special needs that wear me down faster than you can imagine. Any mother of a child with a form of autism will tell you that it’s above and beyond parenting, what we do… and with Chris gone all the time I don’t have much support. We sacrificed so much in order to grow and learn as we felt led to move to Gainesville, Florida. I think pretty soon He will allow us to live as a whole family unit. In our lives, as parents, there can be nothing more important than that. I get that Christ is alive and in us wherever we go. And most importantly, that I am no better than anyone else. I can’t force my love, opinions, wisdom, or even my portion of Christ on anybody. It can only be offered and either received or rejected. I can see us living together somewhere being one in an institutional church and not losing any Christ because of it. You should have seen some of the judgemental arrogant pieces of writings I used to do about those places, and now I’ve realized that we are NOT meant to be a split family forever and I am NOT too good for those places. And if being together means no more meetings, but services instead, than so be it. Those are the priorities in our life, Christ and family above all else. I also believe that Christ has put in some of us (or maybe all, I don’t know) special gifts that our hearts ache for. They never go away. Some have special wisdom and word of knowledge consistently, some are naturally leaders, for me… it’s what mainstream would call “evangelism.”
I have always felt like my lot in life was to do what I could for the down and out. I am praying for that Home for women I hope to open one day: Salt and Light, or Rahab’s House. I don’t know, that last one may be a bit much.
I got a ton of hits on my blog counter yesterday and just want to let everyone know that I am okay. I had a support system in place, as well as the proper medications;) and the Lord has revealed some powerful insights through my pain. I can see things for what they are and know that I don’t need to try to change anything… Christ has got it under control. And I also know that it’s not the end of the enemy’s attacks. I was in constant fellowship with the Lord today as I spent time with my kids, baked, and did some lesson planning(it’s relaxing to me, really). I was able to recognize when something not of Christ was sneaking in and I rebuked it immediately. If there’s one thing I know it’s my Lord’s voice.
Thank you for every message, email, phone call, and visit. I love you readers… all of you.
Wish us luck tonight and pray the homeless people like my bread(Chris jokes they’ll reject it!).