Today’s post is about the movie The Vow. (no spoiler until the end and I’ll give a warning, promise) I know I was going to write about homeschooling through difficult times, but I have to write this instead. The Vow is a movie that is based on a true story about a couple madly in love. She goes through a car window and loses her memory. Her husband has to make her fall back in love with him because she doesn’t remember him. The movie is your typical Rachel Adams love story, which I happen to love, but it’s a total chick flick.
Almost four years ago my husband had what was called a traumatic brain injury. It happened during a traumatic event, but it was all in the Lord’s hands. I told my psychiatrist what happened once and she said that what had happened saved his life. Almost everyone that has what he had, dies sleeping in bed, next to their wives… I cried hard in her office that day.
In this movie, there are a few parts that mirrored our lives. I would like to write about them. The first, and most obvious is memory loss. Unfortunately for RMA (Rachel McAdams), her memory loss goes on for a looooong time. When she wakes up in the hospital, she doesn’t remember who she is or who anyone in her recent past is. And it lasts beyond the hospital. For my husband, his memory came back in about 3 weeks, some of it in 3 months. He had short term memory loss. He worked hard to remember, in therapy. Sometimes he worked so hard his brain would hurt, he said. In addition to forgetting people, he had to re-learn how to walk, eat, write, and all things cognitive. RMA’s character may have had to do this, but they didn’t show it in the movie.
When Chris had his aneurysm, our marriage was in a state of, well, it sucked. I thought that I hated him. I was angry all the time and had a mood disorder that I didn’t even know was there. He was an alcoholic and a mean one at that. I was scared of him when he was drunk and hated him when he was sober. I also had my suspicions that he was having trists with other women. I was leaving him. Actually, I planned on packing up, moving out, and separating on Monday. He had the aneurysm early Sunday morning. But just like RMA, my husband woke up a different person. Those who know him now would never believe in a million years what our life used to be. He woke up when they weaned him off coma inducing medicine. He looked around confused, but I was right there holding his hand. He looked at me and asked if I was his wife. When I said yes, he cried. It was so overwhelming for him, but he wouldn’t let me go. Were together night and day for over a month as he healed in the ICU at the Mayo Clinic. My parents kept my three boys, one of which was still a newborn. I decided in the hospital that if this “new Chris” stayed, so would I. And he did.
The next year was one of the most difficult. I had been right about my suspicions and needed to forgive so much. My husband was patient with me as I healed emotionally. We devoted ourselves and our future as a couple to the Lord. He broke us and we were willing. We would have done anything to change and never become what we were. As we watched the movie, Chris and I both agreed that it’s almost harder for the one who “still remembers”. The husband in the movie, TC (I’ll call him TC), is the one I cried for. He was so helpless and loved her so much. He broke my heart. His love for her never wavered and never ended. And there were times she was his “punching bag”, figuratively. He had to be patient as she healed. I related completely.
I would have to say that the best part of my ending (here is a spoiler alert guys, sorry) is that we didn’t go back to our marriage. We made a new one. At the end of the movie she wants to visit the place they fell in love, and TC decides that they go somewhere else. They built a new life together. Her memory never came back. For me and my husband, we still have our memories. But we built a new life together too.
Thanks for reading and I’ll do the homeschooling through dark times blog later tonight or tomorrow(it’s what I had planned for today),