WooHoo! I love the-day-before-vacation day! My husband has been getting our poor little van ready for the trip. We are going to St. Louis, MO, with a few museum stops on the way there and back. I won’t get the chance to blog for about a week and a half so this is the last of me for a bit.
The last couple of weeks have been a time for re-evaluation. The Lord and I have had some serious talks. And as I seek to hear His direction, I can’t help but feel overcome with my gift of motherhood and all that comes along with that. Even more, I have felt a strong sense of gratitude for my husband and thank the Lord because really sent me a good one. I am not big on sharing scripture in my blogs, but this one has done something big and good in my heart and so here it is…
Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: “Many daughters have done nobly, but you exceed them all.” ~Proverbs 31:28-29 When Scripture speaks of a woman, I think it’s probably speaking to the church as a whole.. you know, the Bride of Christ. But we are still His fiance’, and don’t have children with Him so I am looking at this on a more personal level. Also, I know that part of the proverbs was written from a mother to her son. It was advice and wisdom on what kind of woman to marry. And not just any mother and son, but royalty. She was speaking to a king and telling him what type of woman to marry. As a Christian we have a Prince as our future, and He is our Christ. He knows the woman He wants to marry and it’s the Church. He has already found her. He doesn’t need any advice, only the Father’s life to guide Him.
So, back to the verse which I believe validates the feelings and thoughts that have been consuming me. There is a time and season for everything and right now, mine is motherhood. Along with the glory, the gore, the graduations and milestones, and the meltdowns and failures… there is value in motherhood. When it comes to the Kingdom of God and all we could be doing with Him and for Him, it has often seemed like wasted time sitting at home and caring for them. There have been times during the year when I’ve cut off all communication with friends and family for portions of the day because that portion belonged to my children. Usually I do that when we need to get busy in our home education. But sometimes I do that when I notice they need more time with me.
Discipline, ah, my old friend discipline. Sometimes it can feel like I am spanking their tushies all morning long (yes, I spank-the bible encourages it and it works). I have learned that yelling at them does not work. They begin to yell at each other and I can see how obnoxious it is. So I try not to yell, but sometimes I fail and do it anyway. So much time goes into teaching little ones how to spend time with the Lord(or you could substitute meditating/yoga/whatever-you-do-in-the-morning in here if you are not Christian), chores, academics, and behavior that I don’t have time to get together with other moms, friends, women. I find it very hard and even embarrassing to be scolding my kids at other people’s homes- for me and for my children. So a lot of times, unless it is a children’s function(homeschool park day, field trip, or a play date with kids his own age) we don’t go out. To put it another way, we don’t do things simply so mom can have time to do what she wants.
I wanted to be a servant for the Lord. I was going to do great things by His Life and Christ was going to shine through me. It was going to be awesome. Instead, I am a mom(right now, this blog is only about right now). The Lord has been revealing to me the extreme importance and value of motherhood. Being a mother is ultimate servant-hood. My mother in law, who I thought didn’t like me one bit, wrote me the most beautiful note on mother’s day. She thanked me for taking care of her grandchildren and always putting them first, among other encouraging words. I am keeping that letter as a reminder that what I am doing IS allowing Christ to serve in and through me. He is caring for 3 people who will be a part of our future generation.
So many times I thought I had to be good at something. Being a mom didn’t count because moms are everywhere. But what the Lord revealed to me is that I have made being a mother a full-time job. He has control over every spect of it. I have made motherhood my everything, instead of the position of having children. And if you have done the same I want to encourage you that it is a noble and lonely job. If you have taken on the role of raising decent, courageous, selfless kids- you know it’s a constant sacrifice and that there are so many other moms in the thick of it with you.
Know that you are blessed. And the children you have given everything for will be your straight arrows into the future. One day I will have a social life, time with friends, dates with my husband(I have had a few of those recently thanks to some dear friends), and time to pick back up some hobbies I have had to lay down due to time and finances. I want to go to school. I want write curriculum and books. I want to open a Home for women. I want to live in an RV and travel opening several Homes for women. All these are wonderful ideas and I am not knocking you if you do them while being a mom. We each have our own path and ideals and they are what makes us different and wonderful. I am just writing about my place and my revelations and hopefully relating to someone out there… I am a full-time mom. No “and”. Just a mom. It is my job and I am all in, for now. And just this morning my husband did rise up and call me blessed and I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Thanks for reading,