Safe and unsafe, that’s the topic today. I woke up with this blog post screaming at me. Even though I have somewhere to be in an hour and a half, I need to write it so the spirit within will quiet down.
Lisa Bevere, a great women’s speaker once gave a time of teaching on this topic. She urged us(women) to be safe women. I understood what she meant. There have been times I was so caught up in an idea, a way of doing things, or just excited about something and I wanted others to understand. I wanted them to know what I was talking about. I was willing to challenge in a very forceful way anyone who opposed because what I was doing was “for the Lord”. I was probably an unsafe woman. But I never would have known it because my motives were good. An safe woman is someone you can be yourself around. A safe woman is a woman you can disagree with and not get the death glare or a snarky comment. A safe woman will not withhold friendship because you are different than her. She will not smile in your face and speak ill will behind your back. We’ve all done it, including yours truly, and unless we live by the Lord’s life we’ll probably do it again.
Coming to know the cross of Jesus Christ has changed my life, and everything about who I am. It’s changed my marriage, my goals and how long they’ll have to wait, and my relationship with friends, family, and the poor. I am sure there are still times others may be afraid of me, afraid to say something around me, but I hope not. I hope the Lord changes my heart so much that no one will ever feel like I am an unsafe woman again.
I noticed something since keeping a blog. I get all sorts of replies… on my page, on my reader’s pages and through facebook email(this is linked to fb). Women I know are afraid to give their whole hearts because they don’t feel safe. I would love to suggest that if you are reading this, and someone has “stuck their neck out” on an important or unimportant matter, if you agree with them… speak up. There have been so many times that I felt like I was sharing my heart, and getting nothing in return but misunderstanding. Only to find out later that so many others felt the same way, but were afraid to speak up. If one person has a problem, it’s theirs. But, if several do, positive change may be able to happen. I’ve seen it.
Unfortunately I have the common gift of women’s intuition. Also, sometimes I have knowledge that seems like it comes from somewhere other than myself, which is kind of like intuition, but a little deeper. It’s rare, but it happens. Early this morning, this rare “gift from the Lord” shall we say, kept me from making a very emotionally hurtful and draining decision. Someone who was once safe to me, is no longer safe. Just like I have done to others a thousand times, I feel the Lord is keeping me from further damage until He can bear the cross in us. I won’t walk into a place that feels unsafe and I’ll keep away from those who are unsafe. And for myself, when I am feeling those feelings of wanting to be a b*tch to someone, I’ll just stay home and keep my mouth shut. And probably seek the Lord’s mind on why I’m such a b*tch sometimes.
The only One who’s thoughts and motives and words we can trust completely, lives inside of us. We have access to a higher power living in our hearts and becoming infused with our souls. He has no agenda, but love, the highest form of love. He can always be trusted. He will not gossip about me, will not judge my motives for moving (because He knows them), and He will hopefully bless us for keeping together the most precious thing on earth- our family. I have my friends, my circles of friends, and my groups. While living here in G-ville, I had my church, my homeschool group, and my gym. I made dear friends in all three that I’ll probably stay in touch with for a very long time, hopefully forever. When I told friends I was leaving, so that Chris and I could be together again, I found out who my friends for life are. I found out that it’s not who I thought. And I also found that I have to keep some things “in” in order to be a safe woman. It can be so easy to talk about the faults of others when we know we’re leaving. Especially those who have wronged us, or even those we just think have wronged us. I’m sensitive so I think I get wronged a lot when really I haven’t. Don’t judge- I’m working on it. What I feel very proud about is that I shared when things were troubling me, openly in meetings and gatherings and groups. I wasn’t always received well, but I didn’t keep it in and let it turn into bitterness. Once I came home crying to my husband that I made a terrible mistake by sharing my heart on a matter. He assured me that even though it felt like I walked straight into a hornet’s nest, I did the right thing. I was open and honest as much as the Lord allowed. I showed everyone here in Gainesville that I’m not perfect. I try to be safe, sometimes I’m not, so then I try to stay home. I got a lot of private encouragement and responses and women sharing that they mirror my feelings, but just don’t feel safe sharing them. Although I understand completely and encourage all people to keep quiet if the Lord leads you to keep quiet, I have no regrets. I may not have as many friends by not agreeing with everyone. I have found that Christ is my voice and from now on, I will always turn to Him for courage to speak up, wisdom to know when to shut up, and courage when it feels like I’m standing up alone.
Thank you for reading. Like I wrote in the beginning, it was burning in my chest and I just had to get these words out.