It’s been a few weeks and we’re all settled in. Our new home had not been lived in for a few years, and before that my husband’s  grandma, who was too old to clean had lived here, so the house was very, very dirty. We stayed in a suite close by for about a week just so we could clean the house before moving in. I had never worked so hard for such a long period in my life. From early in the morning until 2 or 3 at night I was cleaning and painting and scrubbing every inch of the home. Me and my littlest boy caught a stomach bug in the midst of the move just to top it all off. So we are finally moved in and I unpacked the last boxes yesterday. There’s still a lot to be done, but it’s livable by my standards.

Maybe it’s because of all the hard work, maybe it’s because I didn’t have the money or time to decorate the bedrooms and office the way I wanted to, or maybe it’s just that I’m not ready to call this place home yet, but I feel a little sad. This is the home we plan to spend the rest of our lives in. This is the home we plan to raise our children in. This is where we can set down roots and not have to leave people we are attatched to, again. To be blunt, I miss Florida. There have been so many over-tired, exhaustion driven, crying fits in which I told my husband we made a mistake in choosing to move to Missouri. I wished we would have moved back to Jacksonville (our other option). It just doesn’t feel like home yet.

In my sadness I have spent a lot of time leaning on the Lord. He has been comfort on the days when I reached my limit and has helped me in different ways. One day, before we moved in, Chris was at work and I was at the house with the kids, and the plumber, and my first friend knocked on the door. She had made us banana bread and gave 3 tomatos from her garden. She’s been over a few times and I’m looking forward to spending a lot of time with her. We are the only homeschoolers around and our kids really like each other. I am happy to have someone I can call a friend so far. I just hope I can be as kind and warm to her as she has been to me, helping me get used to the hs’ing rules and laws and letting me follow her to places so I don’t get lost. I got lost a lot in the beginning. It was very sweet to have a friend show me where to go.

We went to a church building and met some very nice, albiet much much older people. I wasn’t used to it, obviously. The pastor shared of Christ and both Chris and I liked certain things he said very much. He was an older man and there was wisdom, therefore Christ, in his words. I was not used to having to be silent. So much of what he said sparked a thought or feeling that I wanted to share and I would have loved to hear what the others had of Christ as well. I know that no matter where we go we’ll have to deal with not sharing Christ, so we are wondering why we should go at all. It would be nice to meet other Christian moms, but at what expense?

Chris and I decided a long time ago that we are on board with the fact that things are not done today the way they used to be done.  We have a real problem paying for things other than widows, orphans, homeless, and the down and out. It’s nice to be able to give monetary gifts to teachers when they come, which we wholeheartedly agree with supporting workers. What we don’t agree with, and worry a group in a church will not like about us, is that we don’t want to pay anyone’s salary for sharing of Christ. We all belong to the priesthood now, and I have seen a room full of people share amazing, mind blowinging things of Christ, and never get pad for it. We contribitute to the community fund, like we are instructed to in Malachi, as we pay our taxes faithfully. I know others will disagree, but I urge them to read Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola and George Barna. Scholars have agreed that what we do now, is not the same thing as tithing all those years ago. Last night we talked about having that awkward conversation if someone were to confront us on where our money goes. Having a wonderful sense of humor, my husband eased my fears by exclaiming that he would demand his pay for his share in the priesthood, now that you mention it. It was really funny and when it comes to Christ, he’s pretty bold so I felt better about it. Still… there’s just so much of Christ to be had, and I’m going to be spending a lot of time searching for a place to share Him. I definately feel in the wilderness.

Sorry if I bummed you out with my downer of a blog post. I am sure it will get better. I enjoy having my husband around for mealtimes. We get to be together in the evening and we are closer than ever because all we’ve got is each other now. Things are looking up as my kids have room to play, lots of it. They are very excited about living here and so that’s a plus. Life is a journey and so I know I won’t be here, emotionally, forever. I’m just trying to find my footing in this new place.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Jackie

 

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