Cruisin’

In 10 days we sail! On our second annual cruise. Man, I can’t believe a year has gone by already. When we booked this 9 day trip, 11 with travel to and from Florida, we were fresh off our last cruise and excited for the next.  We didn’t know at the time that we would be living in Missouri and not 2 hours from the cruise ship. Last year, I remember driving to the port and being very nervous about leaving my children behind, leaving our homeschool behind, and leaving my home as I am a bit OCD when it comes to how it’s kept. A part of me wanted to go, but I’m such a homebody that deep down I just wanted to stay home. The 4 day cruise to the Bahamas was such a grand time that I came back renewed and refreshed and our marriage was strengthened beyond belief. We are one of those couples who begins to bicker and argue a lot when we don’t get a date here and there or a vacation once in a while. I think most couples are like that.

This year I was just as un-excited as I was last year. We just moved into this big house that I’ve put my heart and soul into painting and decorating. I am very strict when the kids are upstairs as we just got new floors and a new sofa. If I am not constantly in hands-on Mom mode, they destroy the house. The grandparents are not going to be as strict when it comes to the house, even with full permission to be so, and because of that, I was nervous about coming back to a disaster. We just got on a roll in school and I am not excited to take a break, even though the kids will have a ton of review to do each weekday. Getting them into the habit is tiring. As for Chris and I, well, we could use a break. I love him more than ever, but I have been going through something, one of my family members isn’t well, and I am in another world a lot of times. I don’t feel so much like enjoying myself when someone close to me is going through such a scary time.

I have been having nightmares about the cruise, the ship sinking, and just a generally bad feeling. I know that these dreams are coming from a place of fear as I await news on my loved one, and try to relax about all the little bad things my kids are going to do while I’m gone. Didn’t Christ say that perfect Love casts out all fear, and since He is perfect Love, it’s Him. Simply Him being here casts out all fear, so why am I consumed with anxiety in my sleep?

This trip is such a huge blessing for us. We paid for it in pieces and had to save up all year in order to pay it off. We don’t even have passports, but plan to use our birth certificates. We have several stops at ports of call and don’t have excursions booked. We have a little bit of money to take with us and plan to rent scooters at each stop and just drive around the city, stop at a beach and snorkel(Chris) and sunbathe with a book(me). We’ll be near the Mayan ruins so we are definitely going to see them and we’ll be in Belize and want to zip line through the jungle. It’ll be like our honeymoon except I won’t be pregnant and sick in bed most of the time. I had been looking at this trip as time to being a person and a wife if only for a week and a half. I was looking at the old man, before Christ become infused with who I am.

On this trip, I am expecting Christ to reveal Himself in me as a woman wearing many hats, but totally His in all of them. Right now He has delegated the task of motherhood to me and my children are specific to me. I can get away from my little ones and be romantically flirtatious with my husband as I sip rum runners and dance to trendy music, but I a new creation. I don’t have to be a snippy b*tch wife, a stressed out mom unless on vacation, which was my attitude for a long time. He is my Joy in all of it. My joy is different in each place, with each hat I wear. Sometimes my joy needs to be a little quicker, and on the ball, but in all things I possess strength to make life whatever I choose to make it. I am aware that this trip will be relaxing and fun, but it will no longer be a break from a hectic and stressful life, it will be icing on the cake. And it’s all because of Christ and His glory that I contain a piece of!

There is a chance that I come back from vacation and I hear bad news- the kids destroyed my new sofa, my in-laws let all the food I make go bad and take them to McDonalds each night instead, or worse, someone I love very much gets the diagnosis we are praying he doesn’t get, but I have nothing to fear because the One who conquered death did not leave us on this earth to fend for ourselves. I can begin my vacation today if I choose, because it’s all a state of mind and I am the same person in Christ with the same strength and joy in Him.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!

Love,

Jackie

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