good change

I was on a walk a few days ago and it hit me that I had been wrong about something. Dead wrong. It was months ago and I saw the err in my ways for the first time. And then I smiled a huge happy one because I realized that it had to be the Lord poking through my stubborn skin. He was revealing this to me and I was humbled before Him.  

Change happens, it’s going on all the time. Only it’s not always good. Every so often I realize I have picked up another bad habit, like an extra cup of coffee, and I have to let it go. Other times, out of nowhere, Christ is revealed in me. I see a new piece of Him and I’ve evolved, because Jesus Christ is alive in me. When me and Him became one, it was like I was a new Christian. I was. I had never lived my life according to the Lord inside, instead I spent the better part of my Christian life living a “righteous” life and failing every time.

For some reason I thought that it worked like this… I was my own being and I was special because I had said the sinner’s prayer years earlier. So I pictured Christ as if He was a Guardian Angel, a really important One. And then when I was not perfect, that was when Christ came down and “met” me at my shortcomings to fill in the gaps.

I have found that there is a Lord in Heaven and He has risen from death and He is going to marry the Church. Only now, I know that He has placed a piece of Himself in me, which is called the Holy Spirit and he has made all of those with this piece in side a priesthood of holy believers. So that’s the skinny on my beliefs and a bit of my journey. Now I live by a Life inside of me and sometimes I don’t know where He stops and I begin.

In the beginning I doubted that anything was happening in my heart and in my being unless I was trying to do something. If I didn’t work through some sort of process in which I was conscious and in control of every step, change wasn’t happening, in my mind. And while sometimes I did have to work through problems consciously, a lot of what the Lord has done has been all Him, as in, I didn’t know the change arrived until it did.

As I grow in the Lord my intuition grows. He is my keen sense of intuition. As I grow in the Lord my strength to guard against doing things which aren’t good for us, like spending money I shouldn’t spend, grows. Christ is my strength. With each passing day the  plans and agendas that were once mine are now the Lord’s. He is my only plan.

I wrote last week about sharing the last part of myself which I kept hidden away, with Christ. It was my memories of all the horrible parts of my past that make up who I am. I actually gave them to Him. And then a really beautiful day happened. Every year I freak out on the day that marks the anniversary of the nightmare which was among many other things, hubby’s aneurysm day. It came and went and I didn’t even know it, let alone freak out or shed a tear. I only knew because it was brought up by my husband and he wanted to make sure I was okay. I think I might have laughed, because I really, truly, don’t have anything attached to my memories or my past, except Christ.

When we left our organic church group I was terrified. How would He continue to grow without a group of people who lived by an indwelling life to share Him with? And while it is much, much harder, He still lives in us. And I get encouragement online in various places, in texts, and in the blogs of others who share His life with me. And it means more than anything. I used to have ’round the clock access to organic church people and it meant a lot. But now, we are hundreds of miles away and I can feel the connection to the church that we were once living in community with. Every word is like gold because I don’t have those people around all the time. I treasure each words now. In addition to that, I feel a connection to the church in general, I really feel one with Christians, and it’s all because I am in Him with them. In Him. We are all in Him.

I really wanted to share about Christ today, but I also wanted to give some updates about our life, today in my blog. So here is a quick update on things. Homeschool is going great and we are absolutely in love with Five in a Row. The kids are learning so much so easily. Chris and I are in agreement that it would be great for me to attend college again next year (whoohoo!) as I work towards a bachelor degree in holistic health. I am going to beign with a certificate program which will take about 6 months, and it will be 5 credit hours. If I decide to continue on, those credits can be used towards my BA. I need 44 credit hours in order to become a Holistic Health Practitioner. It will take me about 4 years, maybe a little longer. I have found that I really enjoy painting and decorating my home, especially since I know we are not going anywhere. We are about to take on our kitchen, the last room in our home (other than the basement rooms) that needs to be  redone. Lumber Liquidators will be here in 2 hours to measure our floor and early next week we’ll have bamboo kitchen floors. Then I am going to paint the cabinets an olive-green and a creamy white. It’ll keep me busy and out of trouble for a few weeks;). My Mom and Dad are coming for a week and we will get to share turkey day with them. I have fallen way in love with Martha Stewart lately- the queen of homemaking- and have some great ideas for decorating the home, the table, and new ideas for t-day recipes.

I began taking pictures. Of everything. School, house stuff, and just everyday life. This is new for me. I don’t want to miss anything and now that we are so far away from everything I’ve ever known and love, I want to share life with them through the pictures. Hopefully I’ll get to post some soon. I really enjoy when others post them.

Thanks for reading, have a great week!

Love,

Jackie

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2 thoughts on “good change

    • Soon, I am trying to figure out how to post more than one at a time and I don’t quite have it yet. I am so excited to hear what you think about what we’ve done. I never realized how hard it is to pick colors. I am trying not to be afraid of color. The reason we are getting floors right before Thanksgiving is because I couldn’t stand the old floor so I took a hammer and a screwdriver and started hacking away, thinking there was gorgeous hard wood underneath. I was wrong, it was asbestos and plywood. So we are having to get new floors in quickly. 🙂 Love you too!

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