Crucial Christ

Grab any self-help book off the shelf today and if it’s written by a therapist, you’ll read about the truth versus the lies. We are in a constant decision-making state. Choose me or another, choose to see the good or the bad motives, choose to turn to the flesh or Christ. There’s never a time in which the mind does not have a decision to make.

There was a time when I was at a cross roads in life, a big one, and I didn’t know what was truth. I saw the good in both directions, at the time. I chose one path, which turned out to be a good way to go, and am now able to see the mistake I would have made should I have gone the other way. Hubby and me were talking about the past fork in the road tonight, and something about it really bothered me, until I saw the Lord in it. So naturally, here I sit at the keyboard.

At face value, everything displays Christ. I am told and believe that Christ is in everything, and everything is of Him. So when I listen to a friend or an acquaintance, I don’t have to decide whether to trust them or their motives. Naturally, I see and hear Christ. The Christ that lives in our hearts assumes the best in everyone. He has shed His blood to cover the darkness so I am only responsible for seeing the light. When faced with two paths, as different as night and day, I sought the Lord. I sought Him in my feelings(which do matter), in the wisdom of others, in the time I spent alone with Him, in signs I was open to seeing. In trusting His guidance we were able to make a choice that changed the path of our lives.

Later we were met with the truth that the way we were thinking about going, the other path that we chose not to take, had been a deception. We were lied to. Not by satan, but by the person actually manipulating a situation to make it look like something it wasn’t. We were being tempted to do something in darkness and secrecy, only we had not seen it that way because Christ had shielded us. All we saw was Christ and goodness. And once the decisions had played out, the life that could have been ours, would have been a huge disappointment and we would have been the fools. I am grateful every time I see the lie or am met with the truth of Christ, that He led us. Had we not been looking straight at Him during such a dark time in our lives, we would have missed the subtle nudges. He showed us the way without ever showing us the darkness or putting anyone down.

When He was here on earth, He modeled it constantly. We don’t need to tear one another down to bring ourselves higher. We don’t need to lie in order to make people do what we want them to. And when those who feel they need to do those things in order to get what they want to succeed, we can still see the Lord in them. I have had to face myself in some pretty rotten situations. How could I have shared my heart so openly while it was black and filled with unforgiveness? I have done it all throughout my life. How have I been able to go along with what I know to be wrong, just because I have been too fearful to say I don’t want to be a part of whatever was going on? That’s been my whole darn life. Recently, I decided that I was separating fact from fiction. No more pretending in order to keep myself comfortable or to serve my own motives.

The only truth that can be trusted is Jesus Christ Almighty. Is Jesus Christ in the harboring of anger I feel for manipulative little girls? No. So as I look at Christian girls today, complete with little old church lady religion worn like a necklace around their prideful little necks, am I to pretend I agree with all they believe, because I actually do see in Christ in them? No. Who is Christ, who is this Christ in me and what does He want from me?

I am filled with emotion tonight, so much so that it’s causing physical pain. My chronic pain flares up when I get stressed or emotional. I am feeling conflicted with the mandate to only see Christ and only see the good in others. And He’s been so faithful in that, but I am also faced with the ugly truth everyday knowing that people tried to hurt my family, and now they live as smug as can be. Is seeing Him in the liar a one-shot deal now that I know the truth? Can I separate the liar from the person, because I want to see Christ in all of it, in everyone?

I don’t have a conclusion or an answer tonight. I am not feeling so great. It’s been a wonderful week and I have no right to complain. I hope that all of these thoughts lead to a resolution. I am choosing to not be stupid and pretend to not see what’s going on, because deep down, I’ll know. I’ll always know the lie. But I am choosing to lose for the Lord. For now, I am letting zebras have their stripes and I am not making any judgement calls, because I don’t know that I have any less stripes of my own. So as hard and painful as it is, literally, I am going to lose and submit to any ownership I have over feeling hurt. I am going to be grateful that the right decisions were made and are still being made. (Just so there’s no confusion, I am referring to two completely separate incidents and two separate points in my life, one from the past, and one from now.)

Little old church ladies(I don’t really know any little old church ladies, it’s just a metaphor) with all your demands and needs to be glory hogs, rock on. If you truly need the attention that bad, it’s all yours. If you need to be the biggest and best Christian there ever was, have at it. I choose to let you past and beat me in any and all games, races, or claims for attention. I am choosing to lose. Everyone sees the great Christian you are because you’ve worked so hard to be one. I see something better in you, I see Christ, alive and shining. And because I see Him, I am stepping aside and allowing my King His way.

Thank you for reading tonight. Thanks for letting me write outside the box tonight, it was much-needed.

Love,

Jackie

 

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