No matter where I go or what I do, I believe that Christ is real. But there are times when that’s where the belief ends. He’s elusive. Just when I think I have Him all figured out, I don’t. There are things I know, and other things that I began believing one day. I am on a spiritual journey and Christ is at the heart of it. I want to see Him, know Him more through joy and suffering, and know the freedom He gives.
A wise man once said that once we get it all figured out, we don’t have it. On this side of heaven we’ll never have anything all figured out, other than the measure of faith Christ gives. Not what we believe, not what prayer we’ve said to lock in our spot in heaven, not where we attend meetings or go to church. The only thing that is certain and right and true is Christ and what He allows me to see of Himself.
I have looked over my belief system, I looked realistically at my love for Christ and how much of His I accept without question. And I’ve decided to drop a few things that I’ve picked up in the last 15 years. Here they are.
Christ has never asked me to do the same thing 100% of the time. The law is broken and He has become my only sure thing. There was a time when it was “good” of me to practice a certain teaching, but Christ isn’t pigeon holed into teaching, not even His own. Should a circumstance reveal itself, I no longer look to the teaching in ever single situation, but if I look to Christ, sometimes the path will be different from what it was.
I wonder why we are here. I know why I exist, it’s in order to be an expression of Christ, His Bride. But I wonder what the purpose of having several places in time, several points in time, I wonder what the purpose for that is. Why aren’t we in heaven with Him when we are born? Why must we live here on earth? I have a theory. In heaven we will be one body, married to another and we will have eyes for Him only. We will look at Christ all day and all night. Here on earth, there are people. We look into the eyes of people. So I have to think that our time on earth strictly has to do with people. The International House of Prayer is minutes from us. We could go and sit and meditate in prayer all night long and just look at the face of Christ without interruption. And while that is good, no, that is amazing, we are here on earth for a purpose. And in my case, it’s not to stay in a religion. It’s also not to have my head so far in the clouds, so mystical and detached from reality, that I forget Christ put me on earth BEFORE going to heaven. One day I will get to look at His face all day long. Here on earth, I have other things He wants me to do.
So, in this leg of the journey, I have found myself looking at others. Christ died for all of them. No Christian is above another and no Christian is above a non-Christian. I don’t believe people should be paid for being Christians who help others, like a clergy. There are those who devote their lives to His work, and they don’t have permanent homes and cushy desk chairs and pulpits to stand behind. They go from church to church sharing a portion of Christ and laying a foundation of Christ. They are the ones that Paul referred to when he spoke of those who work, being paid. He was one of them, although I don’t believe he took payment. He worked when he was not planting a church. I don’t want to pay someone to seek out the riches of Christ and then share them with me. I want to seek out the riches of our Lord too and I want to hear what others have to say and I want to express Him back. I know that now. And I can never go back to believing otherwise is better, for me. The Christ in me is screaming to come out when I sit in a service, audience style.
I know I don’t want to lean on doctrine. In my years before having children I read the bible quite a bit. I know how I feel about Scripture and doctrine. I have my suspicions that man may have changed words here and there, but Christ is still in every single bit of it. Christ is the Word. He is the Word so no matter what, if, how many words have changed, He’s still all of it. I don’t base my faith on a holy book, but a Christ.
I believe that my entire purpose is other people. Right now I am homeschooling because it’s what’s better for my kids. I like being with other people who do what’s better for their kids too, homeschooling or not. Right now I am gaining a new perspective out of loneliness and lack of a church family. I believe that my impatience is no good and only leads to bitterness. So I have decided to begin visiting people all over the city. The Unitarian Church is my #1 stop. I am resting in this community for a bit so that I can meet, know, and love the people who worship there together. They are not all Christians, which means they will possibly be more accepting of the fact that I am not a typical Christian.
My kids go to a class on Wednesday nights. It’s at a big church and they watch movies and have gym class type games and hang out with other kids. They love it. It’s the adults I’m not so sure about. A few times I have tried to attend a few classes that were apparently “deep”. The welcoming committee at this mega mall of a church puts me off. There’s something not right about the big creepy forced smile and the push, push, push to get involved. It’s the same everywhere. It seems the attractional mega-church has become very predictable. And they know exactly what the Lord wants, which is not good for me. I don’t want a church that knows everything. Especially when they are paying most of their tithing to a staff.
Those who have all the answers scare me, so I look for those who are constantly seeking Christ. Or those who don’t even know Christ, but are nice people. My goal is to visit churches in our city and know Christ and love Him and express Him and try to not get mentored by the welcome committee in each group. Not saying mentors are bad, I just believe we should let the Lord naturally place us with one, or not. I am looking to love and be loved and I am not so concerned with what anyone believes just that they want to know me too.
Have a wonderful week and be filled with Love!