Problems can be an illusion, but pain never is. Pain is very real. When the heart hurts it can feel like life is coming to a halt. Since knowing the Lord more intimately in the last several years, I have learned to rely less on my emotion and much more on Truth. Christ is all Truth, but Christ is also the absence of needing to be right all the time. My emotions go with the wind. My emotions want to be right all the time. They can not be trusted and it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not. That’s why we need each other… to share truth and keep each other in Truth.
This wholehearted mama is extremely sensitive to others. There’s been a situation that I’ve been dealing with privately, except with those closest to me. It’s been hurting my heart. I am a bit of a lover, but at the same time can get nasty if I don’t feel love in return. I have often taken unreturned love as a personal attack and it kills me, figuratively. It affects my body, my guts, the thoughts of the person who no longer likes me in my mind, and consumes my thoughts. Ususally it’s not real. Rarely do people mean to hurt me, or you or anyone for that matter- unless they are in serious pain themselves. Being hurt leads to more people being hurt, unless Christ is revealed and forgiveness is given somewhere in the cycle.
I learned what it means to take myself to the cross and release evertything I thought I knew about life, relationships, and Christ. I abandon myself to Him. That doesn’t mean that I am not capable of turning back towards the flesh, because I do. It means that I have known Him during times of great trial and suffering. And I have a choice, I can take the easy feeling handed to me of sorrow, sorrow for myself. Or, I can accept that Christ’s love is alive and I am capable of strength that couldn’t be possible on my own. Life is not picture perfect and I am in distress over those private matters today. I am choosing the way of the cross, even though all I want to do is make myself feel better with self-destructive behaviors. I want to lash out and release the pressure valve in my aching heart, mind, and soul. I want to question all my choices that led me here. I want to run from the anguish- and I do sometimes. I literally run away until I feel I have run long enough and realize that I need to handle this like a woman. I need to buck up and express the strength of Christ in my spiritual muscles.
So today I am leaving you with this… what is great about your life today? I get through the day reminding myself of the great blessings that is the Joy that never leaves me. I love a really good cup of coffee. More than a good meal, more than chocolate. I have become a huge coffee lover and own all the traditional and non-traditional coffee makers. I have organic sugar on hand at all times and a slew of different creams in my ‘fridge. I LOVE a good cup of coffee and take great pleasure in sitting down and drinking a cup while I write my blog posts or plan some lessons. That brings me to another one of the great joys in my life, planning a fun and exciting education for my kids. I really derive pleasure in homeschooling, the culture and community, and helping others behind me in the same way those ahead in the journey help me. I am thankful for this blog, for writing in general. I am grateful for the relaxation baking and cooking affords me. I am grateful for the reply from a friend that I haven’t talked to in almost a year when I need her late at night. Thank you for answering me last night;) I am grateful for my family and my home. We may not be perfect, but we have each other and love. I have much to be thankful for and choose to look at the good today.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy your weekend and have a wonderful weekend! There’s a lot to be grateful for in Christ.