I feel alive. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I feel my saltiness, my light, and my uncontrollable freedom. I cut some internal strings and realized that it was those strings I kept hanging on to that were causing the sadness and anxiety I have felt for months now. I have released my concerns unto the Lord and left them in His hands. I just left them there and decided to never again pick them back up.
We want to put our best foot forward. We want others to see that we are good and amazing and perfectly healthy. But I have an unpopular habit of writing the truth, when it is of the Lord’s heart and mind. Who decides my worth? It used to be man-kind. Now it’s only the Lord. My last few posts were something I needed to work out and I needed to write for healing purposes. We had been involved in a group, a spiritual/religious/church group (I wasn’t sure what to call it so I named all three, but it was mainly a church group), and we left. We moved half way across the country and it was an amazing opportunity for our family. Also, our time with the group had expired as our hearts were headed in a different direction. After months and months of feeling sorry for myself and wondering what was wrong with me, I purged things not of the Lord that had nestled in corners of my heart. I then decided to stop hanging on and waiting for someone to call me or respond to me. I was waiting to be loved by people who had found love and didn’t need any of mine. So I erased groups and people who made me sad. I am not under anyone’s stressful thumb and free to be in this magical dance with the Lord, called living by the Holy Spirit. Yes, I am definitely having a good day. And I may have had a bit too much coffee. 🙂
It turns out that my surgery went better than expected and my infection is healing up nicely. I thought the whole thing had been a bust because it felt like my toe was on fire night and day and pain medicine didn’t help. I am part of the 1% of people who is allergic to the post-op wound ointment, and as I put more and more on in order to speed up the healing, I had been in excruciating pain… caused by my own hand. Now that I know, I am finally finding relief and for the first time. The main ingredient in this ointment was a cedar-something-or-other. So now I know.
In homeschooling news… we have bumped Little Bird and Medium Bird up a grade this week. I decided that they have mastered their current skills and in the world’s eyes they are now in another grade. In this homeschooler’s home, they are the same boys as yesterday and we are simply using different books. Grades are hard when homeschooling because the older they get, the less likely they stay in the same grade in all subjects at the same time.
Hopefully this comes off sounding as positive and life-giving as I meant it to be… Homeschooling is our way of life right now. We homeschool because we feel that the Lord has much to say on this matter and that we are living a life pleasing unto Him by homeschooling them. I have heard that we are to be salt and light to a dying world and many Christians use that verse in order to argue that children need to be in schools. I agree that not all children should be homeschooled. 100%. I am glad the schools exist and despite all the bad news, they are educating masses of children. When I went to go live in New York in a Christian community (after getting myself hooked on heroin as a teen), the first thing said to me was “Do you know what Jesus says about you? You are salt and light on the earth?” It was Dad B, as I came to know and affectionately call him. He was like a third grandpa to me and I am still very fond of that man and his wife, Mom B. I had no idea what he meant as I was not even a Christian yet. Last night I spent time looking it up. What is salt and light? Why did Christ say that we are salt and light?
Salt preserves. At the Sermon on the Mount, when He says we will be salt on the earth, He is telling us that we will preserve the earth. Those who love Him and accept His love and life are going to preserve the earth while He goes to Heaven. And we will do this with the strength He gives us when He places a piece of Himself in us. What does He mean by “salt”, or preserving the earth? I think that he means it literally and spiritually. Literally we will care for and tend to His creation, the physical earth and the people. We are to continue to populate the earth and preserve the human species. Spiritually, we will be the preservation of Jesus Christ as we pass Him on to our children. Generations past did this and now I know the Lord today. Future generations will know the Lord because we are teaching our children under the authority of the Lord. History, Science, and Social Studies are all centered around Christ.
Light shines into a dark spot and creates a way for others to see. When we shine the light we have inside of us, we are allowing others the opportunity to see Christ. He will open their eyes to see… all we need to do is shine the light. What’s so wonderful is that we each have a piece of this light in us and we can shine all night long. But even better, when we meet with others who have light in them, we create more lit space. Enough lights could be a beacon in a very dark place. I see my children have light in them and I don’t want that light dimmed when they go off to college. That’s why we homeschool. I need to know when the light begins to dim so we can spend time with the Lord together. If the kids went to school I couldn’t know them the way I do. I would see the gradual decline in their spirits or have the time to guide them through it.
I am grateful for salt and light and the analogy that the Lord gave us. I don’t want to lose my saltiness- which the Lord says can happen. I am not sure I have time to explore that today, but maybe another day. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!
p.s. I’ll be posting more homeschooling pictures soon!