This morning I woke up super early to take Husband to the airport. He’ll be gone for 3 days on a business trip and I am exhausted. By the time we got home it was too late for a nap, even a quick one. I knew I wanted to write today, but as I made my second cup o’ joe I realized I felt sort of detached from the passions usually on my heart. When I am this tired all the issues, feelings, and pain is separate from my body. They are there. I still know them, I just see that they are a completely separate entity from me. And so I read the Word and did not feel detached from It, from Him. Because He is a part of who I am, not an emotion, a feeling, or even a belief. At the core of who I am is a Person, the Holy Spirit.
As a being separated from my actions and opinions, yet being woven with the Spirit, I deal with unfortunate situations and problems without attachment. What that means is that the things that have happened to me, the experiences, broken relationships, they are all possessions and I can choose to carry them or leave them. This is not the same as ignoring problems, because they still need to be dealt with. Only I remain unattached. How do I decide what’s important enough to carry around, and spend time and energy cultivating or working on? Usually the Spirit guides me when I am not sure, but sometimes the issues are cut and dry. Sometimes a response is needed in the face of adversity. But the key to remaining patient and wise is staying separate from the issues because they are not who I am, they are only a path to take.
Pain and suffering happens to everyone to different degrees and dissatisfaction is universal and not personal. When does pain matter enough to bring before the Lord and ask for guidance rather than simply letting it go? When it is hurting others too. I teach my children to handle their problems unless they are being hurt, then I want them to come to me. I either take the issue from them, or more likely, give them the tools and the words to handle the problem. We talk and decide what would be the best action to take and which words would be most effective. Points of view are simply perceptions, so we don’t need to win an argument and make someone see that our point of view is more important, but facts are different. Points of view are no match for facts.
Recently I felt extremely trapped by a situation. And I thought that by letting others have their way I was practicing the way of the Lord, showing strength and wisdom, not weakness. But like my children, when it hurts people, an issue should be brought before the Lord and He should decide what I should do. I’ve acknowledged that I have done wrong and made many mistakes. It was never my intention, but like others, always done out of pain and hurt feelings. Nevertheless, I have hurt people and I have made mistakes. Thank the Lord He is full of mercy and grace and I am not worried it will ever run out. I am not God, nor do I have the fullness of Christ in me- alone or with others. By that logic, I also have the fullness of satan in me- alone and/or with others. Because I am still a sinner(saved by grace). To think that the Lord has already come back and made me complete is dangerous and here’s why…
It leads us astray. We begin to believe mystical and grandiose things about ourselves. At one time I thought, along with many others, that when I got together with another Christian and we talked, it was Christ(in me) talking to Christ(in him or her). It even went so far as sinful ideas and idolatry becoming accepted because alas, Christ is in us so how could He lead me wrong? In my experience it became hard to decipher what was Him and what wasn’t so we assumed all the time that everything was Jesus Christ come back on earth. That would mean that there was no sin in us, just the “illusion” of sin. The Holy Spirit is within us and He does lead us from within at times, but we are still human. The lines can get blurry when there’s no direction or accountability to keep us from getting too mystic.
Like a child with her father, my Heavenly Father has cleared a few things up for me. He has separated what happened to me, from who I am. He has shown me that clinging to pleasure or the idea of being perfected brings disappointment and pain. There are people in the world who are suffering and although we are not on the earth simply to help them, we are to help them in every season. There is never a time to lay down our responsibility to serve and help others… not just our friends and people we love. Even the heathens do that. What about the people I don’t love and don’t know, but are the outcasts. The untouched, unloved, and hurting people? There is always going to be an endless supply and He is their Savior, not me. Although, I am to act as His hands and feet while on earth. Becoming a Christian activated the Holy Spirit within me. Christ’s ministry was activated when He was 30. From then on He served, taught, and helped people constantly. It’s a beautiful picture of a modern Christian’s life, what I want my life to look like.
On the way to the airport this morning my husband and I talked about my mom and dad. We passed an Econo Lodge and I remembered when my dad worked an overnight shift to supplement his daytime job. He was so tired all the time because he worked night and day. My mom worked full-time and still managed to cook warm dinners and keep our home clean and laundry done. Life was very hard for them when me and my 3 brothers were little. Today, their life’s work has paid off. They have four grown children who all have kids of their own. My dad is running a very successful family business and gets to sleep at night. They have a beautiful home on a great property big enough to house my wedding in the backyard. It paid off. Some days I feel like I am on a hamster wheel with no end in sight, no rest any time soon. I am working hard to homeschool my children and raise them right. It’s a full-time job and anyone who claims it isn’t next to impossible, isn’t doing what the Lord commanded. It’s a 24/7 job, with the occasional amazingly welcomed break. But, one day,my kids will have the world in their hands. When I get to heaven and meet my Lord, I hope to hear “well done, good and faithful servant”. My first responsibility is to my kids and when I have a few minutes I seek Him on what I can do for my fellow man. Sometimes it’s as simple as sharing Truth on this blog. Other times, it’s getting out of my house and giving what we have to another.
I have noticed a trend among Christians. We preach Christ, yet store up earthly treasures. And the really obnoxious ones show them off. My husband bought special shoes for running a few years ago. He spent his Christmas money from the grandparents and they were something he had wanted for a long time. He runs for enjoyment and health as it eases his back pain. It took a long time after he bought the shoes before he would wear them in public or around his friends. He didn’t want to “show off”. I don’t think that he would have been showing off, but it weighed on him. I respected him so much for that. I try to think of that every time I am faced with a “show off” moment. It’s important to me that I pratice what I believe when it comes to what I “have”. Helping others, including my kids, comes before me-time, or buying myself things. I hope to go to school soon and am planning on it after my big surgery this spring. But am I attached to it? No. Will I be extremely disappointed? Not as much as if my kids had to lose one minute of their homeschool education because of it. I am choosing to be unattached to anything that the Lord did not specifically command. And He does command things of His people. Faith and love without works is dead.
It all comes back to dettaching myself from anything other than the Spirit. Nothing matters if it can’t be taken with us when we die. Our children are the arrows into the future… they matter as they will go on after we die and they are our fruit as a parent. Anyone we pour our lives into matters. Nothing else does.
Thanks for reading. Now that my husband is gone, you guys will be getting everything on my mind. 🙂