Heart for a new people

In Matthew 4:23-24 Jesus proclaimed the gospel of the kingdom and healed everyone who came to Him. Immediately after this we read of him withdrawing with his disciples, and then going on to teach the Sermon on the Mount. In this Sermon He mentions 8 words that we call the Beatitudes and they describe who gets the blessing of God (Matthew 5:2-11).
Lord, I don’t know what the future holds for myself and my family, but I am immersed in You these days.
I have not always been poor in spirit, or humble, as some may call it. But, I certainly try to be these days. Thank you for showing me the way out of a dark tunnel. There’s no help when we don’t acknowledge the struggles.
I am in mourning Lord. I am so sorry or chasing rabbit trails and leaving You for a party that looked better. You are the opposite of denial and appearance management and I am grateful to be surrounded by those who share in the honesty it takes to admit my heart’s condition.

Thank you for showing me how to be meek in a world filled with distorted visions of you and intolerance of anyone different from ourselves.

Thank you for the hunger Lord. Only You know how badly I wanted to change and to make it up to you… I was so lost. Thank you for giving me the desire for you. I’m sorry for getting lost and becoming hungry for another man’s vision. It was truly a shameful time in my life, but I am glad to have found healing and Your blessing in my sorrow for following another. You are the True King.

Lord, help me to be merciful towards those who are lost. I was once just as lost and I was one of the worst. Help me to remember Your love and support when doing what’s right is difficult. Those who are lost will name call, they’ll act out in anger, and they’ll protect their ways, but You are the only way Lord. Help me to be merciful to others just as you have been to me. Forgive them, they know not what they do.

What drives me? These days it’s health and time. Help me to live my days with the pure heart that can say more words than I could ever express here. I am sorry for anything less.

Lord let me be the peacemaker You have called, not the people pleaser that the world calls on. I will no longer seek anything pretend, only real peace and real reconciliation. I was recently not accepted because I renounced a cult community, and it involved pain, honesty, truth telling, and an upsetting of the status quo. Yet at all times the goal is restoration and not “settling old scores”, no matter how troubling the process. I recently checked the blog of a former cult member just to see if things had changed and really how they were doing. Geez, I was horrified at the Kool-aid drinking nonsense I read. An entire paragraph devoted to the putting down of all other churches was disgusting to me. I don’t regret trying to make peace, but sometimes you just have to let the lost go. I vowed to never check back in on any of them again, unless they get out and need resources to help them find their way back again. I have become a librarian of blogs for former members of this particular group.

Courage and persecution doesn’t phase me. Name calling still hurts a little, even as an adult. But I will never sink to that level. Those who know Christ will not either. That’s why the persecuted receive the blessing. Emotions surface that I would rather not feel. Issues emerge that I want to ignore. As Dr. Allan Meyer said, “You may even encounter unfavorable reactions from loved ones who would rather you stop rocking the boat. You can never be sure that you are making a choice based on character until it is uncomfortable, and yet you still make that choice.”

We can know a person by their actions. When we care about people we want to hold a mirror up to their faces. It has always been so helpful for me and I have appreciated the honesty each and every time. I am sorry Lord that I didn’t see the truth sooner. I am sorry I walked away from you to follow rogue men with no accountability. I am sorry that I put Your word down and bought oodles of books from men who hawked them constantly in our precious “meetings” (which by the way was the only time Christ got angry enough to throw a table was when men hawked their crap in His temple). I am sorry for speaking negatively about every other style of church the way we all did, then claimed “SLANDER” when someone mentioned ours might not be so healthy. Until my last breath Lord Ino longer have hearts for women coming out of drug abuse, but also for Christians coming out of cults.

I am a firm believer in having a support system in place to combat the sudden loneliness, the journey back to Truth, and the need to talk about what happened. Everything happens for a reason. My life is in Your hands and I am yours for this. Thank you Jesus.




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