Sunshine on the Horizon

When I began writing this particular blog, the vision was that it would reflect who I am, hence the name, Whole Hearted Mama. I am a wife, mother, homeschooler, home-maker, and super-uber passionate about all of those things. I love Jesus more than words can express and He is a part of who I am and infused in everything I do. Somehow though, my blog slowly began to resemble some sort of constant need to defend myself, my beliefs, my experiences, and things I am just not that passionate about. So I am switching things up a bit…

Life is a journey and to remain stagnant is to stop growing. Lately it seems like what I love most is being pushed to the side in order to write about what upsets and hurts me most. I don’t want to feel so bad all the time and each post I write about my stance on religion, where to worship, how to worship, and how I feel about politics in religion, etc., it makes me feel worse, not better. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still write opinionated blogs, but they will be about what I cherish most… this home-making, homeschooling life.

I love teaching, especially reading. I love books and have them scattered throughout my home and my life. So I sell books and I am good at it. I don’t make a ton of money, but I do it because reading is becoming an extinct form of entertainment and anything I can do to keep it alive is worth my time. So that is something I love and I care about. And I want my blog to reflect what I love and what I care about. I’ll be writing more about curriculum and reading and books in general.

Another topic I won’t be writing about anymore is my health. At first it was just so scary to have all of these issues come up and I blogged to keep my friends and family who read this informed. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I am in a good place mentally. Writing about bladder health, cancer, and illnesses was uplifting when I needed an outlet, but now it drains me and I am not passionate about those topics. I am not a “sick” person. I am a mom and a homeschooler; a wife and a friend; and more. So I want to write about all of the inspiration and desires, and the passions that God put in my heart. For the time being, I am going to write about the life that I live, which is a good one. And when I get good, bad, or devastating health news… I will take it to my friends and family directly. While it was helping me at one time, now it drains me to write a post about my health. If you know me personally, I’ll keep you in the loop… just not on here.

Jesus is everything to me and there can’t be passion in my life that didn’t come from the Spirit of God first. So, assuming that I am a Christian ( a sinner saved by grace ), everything I write will have traces of Him all over it. It hurts me to use this blog for anything other than what it was originally created for… and that’s to write about the life that takes up my whole heart.

Family, homeschooling, education in general, reading, books, fundraising, helping people and what some would call “ministry” or “evangelizing,” and everyday grace and mercy… that’s what I hope to get back to in this blog.

There will be times when I feel beaten down and want to lash out or I want to explain my beliefs, but I’ll try not to. Because that is not what life is about right now, or hopefully ever again. Have toxic people come in and out of my life? Yup. Will I address the issue of boundaries… only if it fits my passions and is not a desire to make myself feel better for any reason. Only if it causes uplifting encouragement and not jabs at others.

I have to admit, I have used this blog at times to defend my husband. Not everyone who is close to me has shown him the respect he deserves. It burns me up inside when my friends and family see his self-control and gentleness as a weakness. I have felt that I needed to defend him and let everyone know that he is (quite dramatically) the one who’s kept me alive and breathing at times. He is the reason I still have relationships with those I would have cut off long ago… he encourages me to forgive and forget. Even those who are unkind or abusive towards him.

He is admittedly my hero. The guy I met a decade ago is not the man I know today. He is a better person because of his trials and his mistakes and his truly miraculous life story. He has inspired me to be better in every way possible and I look to him for guidance when I am not sure what to do, because his answers are never self-serving. This will not be the last time I talk about the blessing he is in my life, but it will be the last time I defend his honor… because he doesn’t need me to. He has the Lord on his side and anyone who knows him well, loves him and can see the Holy Spirit in him. I am very weary of those who don’t see his kindness and forgiveness towards others because my instincts tell me to place boundaries between those people and myself. (Hint, hint, instincts are usually from the Lord) My husband is a part of me, like a limb. He will always come before anyone else, we are one. So he will be referenced often on my blog, but it will be in the telling of my life, not because I need to defend his goodness.

So, I think that’s all I have for now. Just wanted to let you guys know that my blog will be changing because my life has changed. And for some reason my posts were still representing my old life. I have a great one right now and so much to share. So that’s what I hope to do… share it with you.

Love,

Jackie

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