Truly, it’s all I know anymore. I’m taking it easy. The Lord talks about not worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries of its own. If he cares for the birds, how much more will He care for us, His creation? How long has it taken me to see that tomorrow will always bring its own worry and drama? 33 years. Finally, finally, I am living for the moment. I am content.
A benefit of being in the “present” is that it taps into the intuition in ways that being in the future or in the past does not. When I let my feathers get ruffled and I start trying to analyze why something bad is happening, or why someone is so angry, I lose time in the here and now. Since moving to the Midwest, I have noticed that my outlook on life has improved immensely. So much so, that I honestly can say, when the world crumbles around me, I am not only okay, but I get stronger through the blood of Jesus Christ. I used to joke that the world was slower here in Kansas City, the people were “slower.” Now I am one of them and I have calmed a bit, I have rested in my faith, who is a living Person, and I am different. I guess you could call me slow… but I am quite content so it really doesn’t bother or affect me.
Last year could have easily been one of the worst years of my life, but I became better for it. No thanks to me as I have never been the most stable of persons. As I bask in the life blood of a Lord, a true life living God, I accept all of it. Right now, here in this moment, I am blessed.
One of the biggest changes in my life has been the amazing ability to see the best in others. Instead of being skeptical, I just don’t care if there’s hidden motive. Who has time for mulling over words. The less words we speak, the better. As the thief calls me out for thieving, the liar calls me out for lying, the aggressor points out the faults of others as they thrive on nasty like yeast in warm water, I know I am one of them. But I am saved by Grace. I will never be prefect, a good girl, or anything other than a woman living by the Life. That won’t change, but since moving to the Midwest I have let go of anger, a strange aggression that was hidden in my heart. I can roam and stretch my spiritual muscles as I breathe in the cold air (I LOVE the cold air… haven’t had a hot flash since moving here!) As I do so, I remember to be still. Never had I been so still before. I’ve tried to be “still” in the Lord and I tried and I tried and I tried really hard. But it’s only been here that I have found my unshakable joy. Peace that doesn’t come and go depending on fights with my husband, struggles with my children, ignorant comments by those who know no better. It stings for barely a moment before I remember who I am and that the only movement I make comes from the Son. He has been in every moment. The joy is just that… unshakable.
Those who know me best may not understand this. Life is chaotic right now. Shouldn’t I be an angry, panicking mess? Probably. I have learned to rely on the Lord 100% for my identity. My best friend could call me a bitch and it would barely leave a dent. That’s how sure of Christ, who He is, and my share in His portion I am. There’s nothing I can’t handle without grace and poise, thanks be to the Spirit. Gossip no longer has a hold on me. It bores me. I don’t bother with self-hatred anymore. I can easily see through manipulation (although that’s always been a bit of a curse), only now it makes me sad rather than anxious. My secrets are small. I no longer keep big ones that cause strain and constant fear. I have let loose much of my hidden sin and shortcomings which is a huge weight off my shoulders. The air here has brought out the purity and honesty that I hadn’t expressed in so long. I am going through the wringer in ways that only my husband knows about, and I am planted firm, standing strong, and rooted in Christ.
That’s how good He is.
Thank you for reading and have a wonderful New Year. Be still in Him this year.
All my Love,